against me(n)

Does Roland Martin ACTUALLY believe he wasn't being homophobic?

2012-02-10T10:57:00.004-06:00

On Monday, one of my colleagues who is new to Twitter asked me if I had caught the tweet that Roland Martin had sent out on Super Bowl Sunday. I told him I hadn't and meant to check up on it. He did mention that the tweets were a little sketchy and that they were in regards to the David Beckham commercial. I remember seeing the commercial so it didn't surprise me that Mr. Martin would say something as ridiculous as this:

"If a dude at your Super Bowl party is hyped about David Beckham's H&M underwear ad, smack the ish out of him! #superbowl"

Today, that same colleague asked me if I heard that Roland Martin had been suspended because of that (and one more) tweet by CNN. After further investigation, CNN is trying to distance themselves from what they believe are values that are "inconsistent with their organization."

There are a plethora of articles but you can find some here, here and here.

His comments have been labeled as offensive and homophobic and that they condone violence against the LGBTQ community. His initial response via Twitter was to deny the homophobia and to, instead, say that he meant it as a cut on soccer which he claims to have done previously.

Oftentimes, especially for those of us that are passionate about social justice, our initial reactions are to call him out for what we deem to be homophobic. Which is pretty evident by a lot of the responses he received via Twitter which have been captured by this article here.

This question that I've been wondering about is whether or not he truly believes that what he said is not homophobic. He is a staunch advocate for racial equity and is anti-bullying. He even claims to have stood up against sexism in the past (which based on some of his other tweets, may or not be quite true).

To provide another perspective (but not to let him off the hook), it might be important to look at it from the lens of gender, or more specifically, the lens of masculinity. From my perspective, I believe that Martin believes that he was not being homophobic.

What I also believe is that he was asserting his masculinity. As men, when we assert our masculinity (especially in these ways) we don't always see the connection that it has to homophobia and the ways in which it contributes to and reinforces heterosexism.

Martin suggested to several Twitter followers that their assertions of homophobia were stretches. Leaps from the reality of his comment to the actual impact his words had on his followers. (Intent vs/and Impact is another conversation in and of itself).

I believe that in reality, it IS a stretch for him to see the connection between his assertion of masculinity and the way in which it landed for some as homophobia. Roland is just being Roland. The jokester. The man. This is what men do. We tease. We goad others looking for a reaction to know that we are above them.. His comments are inherently masculine. They are rooted in the ways in which we learn to be men.

The difficulty is that in order for us to make the connection between asserting masculinity to engaging in homophobia, we need to actively build the bridge between the two in order to see the connection. A former colleague of mine used to always say that a fish doesn't know that it's wet and swimming in water. It just exists. And the learned behavior that allows it to survive is second nature.

I don't know Martin's beginnings. But I know my own. And I know those of the countless young men that I work with on a daily basis. And I know that more often than not, these young men must live as fish in order to survive in their respective worlds. Our survival hinges on the ways in which we are taught to be men.

In this case, Martin thought he was swimming in his own fish tank. I believe the comments he made on Twitter were second nature. That it was the type of comments that allowed him to survive...that allow him to create a structure to his life that is familiar, that is easy. That's my guess.

We must first help him and other men understand the ways in which traditional notions of masculinity show up on a daily basis. We must then help them understand the ways in which those impact other groups of people (women, lgbt folk, children, the elderly, etc). Only then can we expect men to change their behavior.

You might be saying..."Yeah, and?" I get that. But until we can help men like Martin, who cannot acknowledge the ways in which we assert our masculinity and who cannot see the ways in which those assertions can contribute to heterosexism, we'll continue to be disappointed in men.

Te-Nehisi Coates wrote a tremendous response to the Forbes article "If I Was a Poor black Kid". In it, he asks us to put ourselves in their shoes- to try to empathize with the "poor black kids" and to a certain extent to try and empathize with the white man who wrote the article.

But he doesn't stop there. He invites us to engage in what he calls a "muscular empathy" by encouraging us to ask ourselves not what we would do if we were in their shoes. To him, this is the wrong approach. A muscular empathy pushes us to ask why wouldn't I do X, Y or Z if I were that person.

In the case of the "poor black kids" article, he essentially invites the author to ask, what would keep me from doing what he outlines in his article. The other more subtle invitation is to have us consider why we would write the article if we were the white man.

In the case of Martin, I invite us to ask, why would I say something like he said? What would keep me from understanding the connection between those words and homophobia. Maybe then we'll be able to find the materials to build the bridge between traditional notions of masculinity and heterosexism.

The Objectification of a Poor Black Kid

2011-12-14T11:46:00.002-06:00

Recently, a self-identified white, middle-class white guy from a middle class family background who is a tech blogger wrote an article entitled If I Were a Poor Black Kid for Forbes.com.

It was the most offensive and disgusting example of white privilege and victim-blaming that I've read in a really, really long time. And I read a lot. This is the type of thinking that I usually see from the comment trolls who live behind the anonymity that commenting allows across the internet. Which I know I shouldn't read, but anonymity allows for honesty. And that honesty allows me to get a sense of what some people are thinking out there in the real world.

I work in higher education and I surround myself with people (for the most part) that think like me. So I rarely get to put a face to a comment that is as rooted in whiteness, and white and class privilege.

If you'd like to read the article, I'm sure a quick search will lead you to it. But in essence, this middle-aged, middle class white guy who writes about technology asserts that if the poor Black kids from inner-city Philadelphia would buy a computer (or get one for free miraculously) and become experts at googling stuff, then they can make it to Stanford or some other presitigous school, and make it out of the poorness and the Blackness that is impacting their ability to be succesful.

There is more to the article. But I think you get the point.

I've read a couple of responses so far. Both have been almost as damaging as the original. Almost. I say that because neither response talks about the inherent, systemic oppression that has created barriers for the poor Black kids from inner-city Philadelphia and for this middle-aged, middle class white tech blogger.

A couple of days ago, I posted the article to my facebook page and couldn't find the words that captured my frustration. Several of my friends shared their thoughts, but it was one in particular that helped me out of the thought paralysis the article had sent me through.

In her response, the commenter basically stated that she agreed with the article and tht no one can take your education away from you. This thinking is in line with the bootstrap mentality that is so prevalent in the US. And really supports the "post-racial" world that a lot of people believe we're in.

My response: If only it were that do simple. if it were, there would be more poor black kids "making it" out of high school and into college. His sentiment is an oversimplification of the multiple and layered issues of both class and race in the US that have privileged some over others for a really long time. The assumption that he (and you) is making is that poor black kids have access to all of the things he said they need to be successful. I do agree that education isn't something that can be taken away but the underlying assumption is that they are being given access to the same one that he and his kids are being given. Education can't be taken away but students, depending on where they live are being differential educational experiences.

After taking some time to think, I understand the white, middle-class, middle-aged guy's thinking. Technology is such, in this day and age, that it can enhance and even improve your educational experience. Some of the resources he talked about, I use. Others, I have never heard of. (Which I might look at given I work with college students.)

What the tech blogger doesn't understand is that his oversimplification of under-utilization and access implies that it is individual students that are holding themselves back. A poor Black kid has all of these things at his fingertips and A poor Black kid has to do whatever it takes to take advantage of the technology that is at his fingertips.

The inherent problem in the oversimplification is that it doesn't account for the impact that systemic oppression around race and class has had for generations of poor black communities. His white, middle class kids have access to the resources that he writes about because he had access to similar types of resources (although the tech is different) that allowed him to be successful in the same way his kids will be. His family has had generational access to the social capital that will allow his family to continue to be successful for generations to come.

A poor Black kid from inner-city Philadelphia has a family. And his family has had generational un-access to the social capital that will continue to impede his family's ability to be successful for generations to come. This is where the interventions need to be. At the root cause for the generational poorness that exists for people in our country. This is where the conversations need to be.

This article is what class warfare looks like in the US. This is the objectification of a poor Black kid. This is an example of the lie that is if we al work hard enough, we can make it.

We are not all the 99%. Let's be real. Let's be honest. There are some of the 99% that are more impacted by their class status than others. And it's this type of thinking...this type of oversimplification of the systems of race and class and the systemic oppression that exists at that intersection that will continue to allow a middle-aged, middle-class white guy from the suburbs of Philly to pretend to be a poor Black kid from the inner-city.

on having a daughter

2011-11-11T14:24:00.001-06:00

When people found out that my partner and I were having a baby, they were ecstatic. Especially those that have been close to me throughout my life. Most of the guys my age already had kids and so I imagine my impending fatherhood induced a collective sigh amongst my friends and family.

When people found out I was having a girl, I found that a lot of the people, but primarily the men, I would talk to (whether good friends or not) would say something along the lines of "good luck." There was a part of me - a huge part - that just flat out ignored the statement and the insinuation behind it. I was too excited about becoming a father that I didn't want to start thinking of my yet-to-be-born daughter as a teenage girl.

There was the other part of me that understood where this was coming from. Not because I would have trouble controlling a teenage daughter but rather what was implied by the assertion. That I would have a hard time dealing with the boys/men that would come in and out of her life while she lived under our roof. And that those boys would be out of my locus of control.

The assertion is problematic for two reasons.

1. The underlying assumption is that she will grow up to be heterosexual. Which over the long term can create a challenging sense of self if she doesn't fit into that assumption.

2. It allows us to exist in a society where we don't question the ways in which we are teaching our boys/young men to interact with and treat girls/women. Where the fathers of daughers are taught to be overprotective and overbearing, and where we become the heroes in the lives of our little girls.

If we stop telling our young boys that they throw like a girl, or that it's not okay to cry or that there are things that are distinctly for boys that have more value and meaning that those that are distinctly for girls, maybe then will we begin to see a society in which we are excited when a man becomes a father to a little girl.

em

On Pain, Beauty and Fatherhood

2011-10-24T10:19:00.000-05:00

Today, we got our 4-month old daughter's ears pierced.

It was an ordeal to say the least in that I was the one whoheld her down, my body softly on top of hers with my hands holding her armsdown. A nurse held her head while the doctor positioned the gun on herearlobe. She cried. A lot. And cried even harder as the first ear was done. Not thinking she could cry any harder, she proved me wrong after the second onewas done. There were actual tears, which as a first-time father, istremendously heartbreaking. My only saving grace is that she is knowing thatwhen she's older, the pain will only live in the stories that we tell her.

Whether or not we would pierce her ears was never a questionwe asked ourselves. Out of tradition, we knew that it would happen, and wewanted it to happen early. Both of our moms asked us when we would get it donereally early. My partner had hers done at 2 months and my sister at 4 months. My sister-in-law got hers done early as did her daughter.

Once we knew we were having a girl, we made sure to beconscious of the types and color clothes we would buy for her. Not a lot of pinkand not too girly clothes. We were trying to go against the norm that girlsonly wear pink and dresses. For the most part, in the four months that she'sbeen with us, we've been successful. Although we don't have any influence inwhat other people buy for us, we do (try) to make choices that go inline withthat decision we made early on.

When the nurse first came in to check her temperature, shementioned that her daughter got hers done on the same table. She looked at ourbaby and told her that it was going to be painful but that she wouldn'tremember it. She also said that (in no uncertain terms) that beauty ispainful. That as a girl, this is a sacrifice she would have to make to bebeautiful.

I didn't really know what to think of that. I was stuck...wonderingif we had made the right decision to do this. To put her through this pain sothat she could be beautiful. Was this the lesson we wanted to be teaching toour daughter before she really understood what was happening to her?

After waiting for another 15 minutes, the doctor came in totalk to us before we had the procedure done. She invited the nurse to come into help and together, the three of us made it happen. In the same way thenurse had told our little girl that the cost of beauty can sometimes be pain,the doctor said the same thing. Her response to our daughter's crying was totell her she was beautiful.

Again, I was stuck. Unsure of what we had just done,knowing that the default message that is sent to young girls is that the painyou feel for beauty is a small price to pay in the grand scheme of it all.

I know that everyone parent believes their child isbeautiful. I feel as though we've gotten a lot of people reinforce the notionthat she is beautiful. She was beautiful before the earrings. She is just asbeautiful with them. The earrings don't make her more beautiful, nor should webe sending that message to our little girls.

The practice we visit typically doesn't pierce ears untilafter 3 years old. We had to pull some strings to get this doctor to do thisfor us and we could tell she was reluctant to do it for us today. I can'timagine being a 3 or 4 year old and being put through the pain of ramming alittle metal rod through your earlobe, only to be told that it's okay becauseyou're beautiful now.

Fortunately, as her parents, we'll be able to control themessages she gets from us. Although we won't be able to shield her from themessages she gets outside of our home, we'll be able to talk to her about thosemessages in a way that allows her to understand that there are different waysin which to think about beauty.

I talked to my mom a couple of hours after it happened. Shelikes to call me right after I text her a picture to see how things are going. She must have said "pobrecita" (poor baby) at least 5 times. Thepain that she imagined her granddaughter went through was just that. Pain. And not a price that she was paying to be beautiful. Maybe someday we canbegin to teach our daughters that pain is too high of a cost to pay for beauty.

re-imagining this blog

2011-07-11T20:37:00.002-05:00

it's been a long time since i've been here. but since stumbling upon flavors.me, i've decided to aggregate my online sites into one,easy to navigate website. you can find that here.

i've decided to focus this blog a little more in my attempts to be more productive in my writing. with that in mind, i'm going to focus on writing more specifically about gender and masculinity and the ways in which other identities intersect with those two. i welcome questions comments and any push back you might have. but i also ask that if you're really to do so, that you be willing to engage in conversation with me in the process.

my hope is that this becomes a place where we can engage the issues in real, meaningful ways.

best i ever had...seriously?

2009-07-02T14:45:00.001-05:00

I don’t often watch music videos. Having grown up at a time where music videos were just being produced and MTV was the biggest thing in television, I’ve long moved away from watching video channels that no longer play…well, videos. But if commercials are any indication of what music videos are like, I’m pretty sure I know what to expect.

Given that, I probably would’ve never come across this video had it not been for Facebook or Twitter. But I did. And I probably would not have watched it considering some of the comments I’ve been reading about it. But I did. And man, that was something else.

If you pay attention to some of the non-mainstream commentary on music, and in particular mainstream hip-hop (and even R&B), you are bound to hear the labels “sexist” and “homophobic” thrown around quite often. I don’t often listen to the radio, but I’m pretty aware of what’s out there and the lyrics that artists are writing.

Apparently, Drake is the new big thing in mainstream hip hop. I’ve heard the song, it’s catchy and I actually downloaded it (I’m beginning to regret that decision now) not too long ago. Amid a lot of speculation as to where this “underground rapper” might sign, he released a video for his song “Best I Ever Had” that was apparently directed by Kanye. I’m not going to post it here but I’m sure if you’re reading this, you have the technical savvy to be able to find it on your own.

It’s your pretty typical, offensive masculine video that offers a plethora of large-breasted women running around in slow motion while he raps/sings his song. It’s also typical in that the concept of the video doesn’t directly relate to the content of the song.

There are two things that are distinctly (or maybe not) different about this video. The first difference being that Drake actually talks about the “concept” behind the video in an interview with Complex magazine. Apparently, the “concept” is that Drake is a high school basketball coach and his team are his “favorites” (or best he ever had according to the song).

Think about that for a second. His favorites are the girls on the high school basketball team that he coaches! Does anyone else see anything inherently wrong about the “concept” being the replication (and by default the glorification) of sexual assault of a minor? A male high school basketball coach taking advantage of his high school basketball team? Seriously?? If anyone can’t see the wrong in that, then you’ve been too desensitized to know better. Either way, it’s a sad day for men and women when we allow this type of misogyny and very disturbing part of our rape culture make its way into mainstream media. More on this later.

The other thing that is distinctly different is that it’s extremely unapologetic in its sexual innuendo. At one point in the video the song pauses while the coach calls a timeout to lecture the team about how bad they are doing and he says this: “when they put the D on you, you take that D like the champions that you are.” Anyone who has any common sense around sexual lingo thrown around by men knows that “D” does not stand for Defense.

In the interview with Complex, Drake states that he doesn’t want women to find his video offensive because of all the “breasts and ass” but to listen to the moral of the story which is that no matter what “you can still be the best to somebody.” Two things. 1. He acknowledges that this video has the potential to offend women. If that’s the case then why move forward with it? Why continue to put something out that you know will offend women? 2. Is that really the moral of the story? Because it seems to me that the moral of the story is that women’s/girl’s basketball isn’t about being good, but rather how good you look, how good you are at stretching in front of your coach, and whether or not you can take the “d” like a champion.

Honestly, for me, the moral of the story is this: Appeal to the women with your looks and catchy hook, appeal to the men by throwing half naked women in your video and you have yourself the next big star.

I’ve read some comments from men (that I usually hear/read in situations like this) that say that we (read: women) shouldn’t blame the artist for what sells (i.e. sex) in this country; that this video doesn’t make teens have sex, etc. And I agree to a point. It’s not so much that we need to analyze what these videos make people do, but rather what these videos are reinforcing in our society.

I would argue that this video reinforces the misogynist, sexist patriarchal society that we live in by pandering to the way men have been socialized to view women...as sex objects, as less then, as only worthy if they are either beautiful and/or sexual beings…but also how they’ve been socialized to view themselves…as conquerors of women, as givers of “the d”, as better than women, etc.

I would also argue that we need to start placing the blame somewhere. We cannot sit idly by and watch these videos as if we have no control over some aspect of media. It takes a viewer for a video like this to exist. If we allow ourselves or our friends to view something like this, and perpetuate (and reinforce) the messages it sends, then we are left to blame ourselves. If we can’t hold Kanye or Drake accountable, we can surely hold ourselves and each other accountable to how we respond or take in the video (and everything that it represents) and its content.

In the comments section of the website on which I saw this video, one commenter wrote that he (I’m assuming here) was going to make “take that d” the catch phrase of the year.

I know that I’m going to do my part to make sure that doesn’t happen…if only in my sphere of influence…and I ask that you do the same.

Best Beer Commercial Ever...or so they say

2008-09-03T16:50:00.000-05:00

I’ve heard it on numerous occasions. Sex Sells. And for as long as I can remember I’ve agreed. Although in recent years it’s been with a reluctance buried in the unfortunate circumstances that exist around that statement. Sex sells because of the existence of Sexism.

Until last week, I’ve always felt that its truth crossed the gender spectrum rather equally. That it was more about size and appearance than one’s gender in that if the models look good then their product will sell. That was until a friend of mine forwarded me an email whose subject line read “Best Beer Commercial Ever!!!”

I don’t always read forwarded emails. They don’t often do anything other than annoy me in their lack of thought and purpose. But of course I was intrigued. Being an avid beer drinker myself I thought I’d take a look at the email.

I scrolled down the long list of people that the email was sent to, me included. I kept scrolling past the long list of email addresses that had already received it. And I finally came to it. A mpeg. file at the bottom of the email.

So I click on itand wait for my media player to open. The first image is of a bottle of Guinness rocking back and forth. Nothing else on the screen other than that but you can seethe camera panning out slowly. You start to see more of the bottle as it goes on and then you start to notice that the bottle is actually resting on the small of a woman’s back and she appears to be naked. As the camera continues to show more of the scene you see more of the woman, the curve of her butt, her long black hair and the bottle still rocking back and forth along with her body. Moving in short spurts from front to back.

It stays like this until you see a man’s arm reach from what would be behind the woman for the bottle, grab it, take a drink and put it back. A couple of seconds later you see another man’s arm reach from what would be in front of her for the same bottle, take is if to take a drink and put it back. Get this. A couple of seconds later another man (yes that’s right) reaches from what would be underneath for the same bottle of Guinness to take a drink and puts it back.

The closing caption “Share one with a friend…or two.”

Yes that’s right. You read that correctly. I am not making this up.

My initial response after a series of “wows” and unbelievables” was that this definitely gives new meaning to the phrase sex sells. But beyond that it also for me more clearly defines it as “sex with women sells”. Yes, sexy sells, and that cuts across gender (and that whole conversation is another entry) but when thinking about the phrase sex sells it became apparent to me in thinking back to all of the times that I’ve either said or thought that, that sex with women sells.

Is the initial response when someone sees that commercial “man, I so want a Guinness right now”? Or is it “yeah, that’s what’s up!”? In my experience, having spent a lot of time with other men in social settings, it’s always the latter. If that commercial came on in a bar, there would not be a mad rush of men ordering Guinness or Black and Tans. There would be looming glances around the bar at the women there wondering if anyone would be down for something like that. There would be thoughts of threesomes criss-crossing their way through the fantasies of the men who just finished watching that commercial.

60 seconds. In the amount of time it might take someone to drink a glass of water, Guinness produced a commercial that reinforces the patriarchal system of oppression that continues to oppress women. Not only that but it feeds into this idea that women are objects, and in this case, she is both a sex object and an inanimate object (i.e. table) who is nothing more than skin and sexual parts and a place to rest your beer.

Some may read this and say “it’s just a commercial” and yes it is a commercial. But someone created it. Someone came up with the idea for this and proposed it to several others who gave it the okay. There were multiple people involved in the creation of this 60 second commercial. And no one saw anything wrong with this. No one stopped to think, “hmm, maybe this isn’t a good idea” or “what message are we sending with this?”

I didn’t forward this email. I don’t think it’s something that I need to circulate to my friends even in my disgust. I can only imagine how many people who’ve received this have already forwarded it to others with that same subject line: “Best Beer Commercial Ever !!!” In the email I received there were 15 recipients. If each of those forwarded it to another 15 people that would be 225 people that would have received it. If each of them forward it to another 15 people, that’s 3375 people. And so on. Not to mention that a youtube search of this commercial shows that over 50,000 people have watched it! And how many of those folks do you think stopped to think that maybe this isn’t the sexiest beer commercial ever, but rather a way of perpetuating the oppression of women?

the story of my birth (in four parts)

2008-07-15T09:44:00.000-05:00

they are driving on a dirt road
in Laredo, the place before I became.
mother gripping steering wheel
like her past – loosely
brother (not a brother at the time)
riding shotgun too young to see
more than air vents and glove compartment

my almost father in the back seat
stuck between passenger side door
and a knife, gripped angrily
in the hand of his best friend
he's bleeding into the leather cracks
he survives because I was meant to be here

my mother tells me when I'm old
enough to understand what
he deserved it means,
that my father had spent nights
pretending that man's wife
was his own

he's not my father, he's not yours either

I've always told myself
that when she is born
I will whisper to her
while she sleeps in the arms of her mother
the sanitized scent of hospital
still fresh against our skin
I will whisper to her
mama, I will never be
like the grandfather
you will never meet
I will whisper to her
I love you, I have always loved you, I will always love you

my friends tell me
I will make a great father someday
I want to believe them
but I know that silver linings look better
when they show themselves in smiles
and I'm just learning to do that

he's not my father, he's not yours either

my brother doesn't remember riding shotgun
doesn't remember his father
cowering underneath the car
just out of reach of death
he doesn't remember
his own cries mimicking his mother's screams
like a recorder
I wonder if that's the last time he cried for him,
our father, who hasn't reached heaven yet
who's aging body
sits aching in a one room apartment
not too far from us
but out of reach from our desire to know him

my brother, the father
held his first
for the first time
at the entrance to the hospital,
sliding doors stuck open
he didn't think to move, his body
frozen in that moment
his smile, filled with the tears
he always felt were better left hidden
behind things or tucked inside empty bottles
like messages, hoping for a reader

but he's not my father, and he's not yours either

what happens to hugs,
left heavy against skin,
when they no longer resonate
the I love you's that created them?

the last and only embrace I remember
appeared out of a night sky
who's details have left me skeptical still,
a two hour visit, me at 15,
he at an age that resembled
forgetting he tries to hide his
but I love you, tapes them to the bottom
of truck stop gifts he pulled out of his bag
but we had already learned
to see through those tricks

he's not my father, he's not yours either

looking at him
was the mirror I had been trying
to avoid, but dead hugs
don't wash away like dead skin
and I realized that I am
unmistakably his son and him,
unwittingly my father

I am building up the courage
to close the coffin
on our relationship

I will lay us to rest
before he has the chance
to leave me again

will make visits to our grave stone,
spend moments together
only in spurts and when the feeling
moves me
but it hasn't moved me yet

I am coming to understand
my brother, the father
when he tells me

he was never my father, he was never yours either

the nice guy...in two parts

2008-02-06T12:16:00.000-06:00

this is going to be a two-part blog...so be patient with me (and yes i know this is uber-generalizing, but if you're a guy...and you don't think you fall into any of this...i would encourage to think again)

so i've been thinking a lot about the whole "nice guy" thing. (have been having conversations as well) i think it stems from the thought that nice guys aren't necessarily seen as sexual beings. so that when someone thinks "nice guy" they picture a man, not necessarily attractive, sitting in a coffee shop reading a book, or writing love poetry, always remembering the little things, is a great listener, etc. and he's cute. nothing more, nothing less.

so i hear a lot of nice guys complain about being seen as just that...a nice guy...a nice asexual guy, a nice asexual guy that's great to have coffee with, to talk to and who'll listen, etc.

i can't lie...i tend to fall into that category of "nice guy" and i've been one to complain about those sentiments from time to time. standing in the distance as i watch those rough and rugged men take home the women that then complain to me about how he's an asshole, he's a pig, etc...and then i'm left to wonder "why not me?"

what am i doing...or not doing that puts off the vibe that i can't be good too. that i can't handle my own in the bedroom...etc. not that it's just about that...but just thinking about the asexuality of nice guys. so it comes as a surprise when we turn out to be a little freakier than imagined. so i guess my question is this:

why are nice guys seen as asexual?

part 2:
the other thing that i got to thinking about was the fact that as a nice guy, we're held to different standards than the not-so-nice guys. the bad boys are expected to, well you know, be bad boys, to be disrespectful, to treat women like garbage, to feed into the patriarchal system that is oppressive to women (and hurtful to men as well) and the list can go on. but those of us that are considered to be "nice guys" are expected to be the opposite of that.

so this is where the dilemma comes into play. as men, we're all socialized in this patriarchal society. yeah we all have different experiences...blah, blah, blah...but we in essence all learn the same types of things. i think nice guys are just better (for a multitude of reasons) of supressing those. but the thing i struggle with is that when nice guys mess up...when we make a mistake that is expected of the bad boys, it seems to be a huge disappointment.

there's nothing that burns more furiously in the soul of a nice guy then being told "i thought you were different" i think that's partly because we've believed we're different for so long...that when we realize that we're not...and the disappointment that comes along with that (both externally and internally) it's crushing...devastating.

but is it realistic to have those different standards? nice guys after all...are GUYS...

anyway...i'd love to hear your thoughts

new jersey weighs decision to apologize for slavery

2008-01-04T16:26:00.000-06:00

so...i'm on a lot of listservs where i get some pretty good emails with information regarding social justice. this one came through a little while ago.

the article is here

i'd be interested to hear your thoughts...but here are mine.

i think there's something to be said for folks acknowledging events that have happened in the past. Reparations are a whole different conversation, but i guess could be included here as well. But as i said, i think there is something to be said about states acknowledging that they participated in some way in the atrocities that have plagued our history.

as one politician in the article argues, the folks who live there now, didn't participate in slavery, nor has anyone now ever been a slave.

what this politician, and others who oppose such acts of public apology, aren't getting is that there is an historical impact that slavery (in this case) has had on the african community. I can't think of the book...but there is one that documents the impact that slavery has had on the african-american community. very similar to post-traumatic stress disorder.

yes, a public apology isn't going to change the current state of the african-american community, nor is it going to make amends for something that happened a long time ago, but doesn't it say something?

why can't we just be people? or labels shouldn't exist anymore

2007-11-20T13:02:00.000-06:00

I’m starting to hear it more often. Not just from the students I interact with, but from folks I’m interacting with who work on college campuses. They are mostly newer professionals but it’s happening nonetheless.

I’ve started to take notice of how often it happens and who’s saying it. And I’ve been really intrigued by it.

The idea being that labels shouldn’t exist.

The labels that these folks are referring to are labels such as Latino, white, person of color, bi-racial, gay, female, etc. These labels served as a unifier for marginalized communities and were, and continue to be pretty common among them. They were a badge recognizing that one was a part of a larger community.

I’ve heard this before. This idea that labels shouldn’t exist. But for the most part it was coming from folks who came from privileged identities or groups. For example, a couple of years ago, it was very common for me to be having a conversation with a group of white students and for them to question the need for labels with regards to race.

“Why can’t we just be people?” I would get that question all the time. And my response was always first, agreement. And second, I would engage them in a conversation about what it meant for them to deny a person’s right to label themselves. If I want to refer to myself as Latino or Chicano, then that should be my prerogative, right?

But things are different now. More and more I am coming across folks from marginalized or oppressed groups who just want to be people too. Who don’t want to be labeled as this or that. And I think a part of it is that the labels that we have aren’t always inclusive of the multiple identities that people carry with them. The one that constantly comes to the surface for me is with regards to race.

We are living in a more racially diverse community, with people having children across racial lines. And it’s the children of these relationships that began to push the envelope with regards to labeling from marginalized identities.

More recently, I’ve started to see it from other groups as well. More people are starting to take on the mentality that labels shouldn’t exist. That people are people.

And that’s something that I’ve struggled with. Always having been proud of who I am and what that has taught me, it’s difficult to not identify myself in those ways.

It’s been especially difficult considering that for the work that I do around social justice education, Identity “politics” (for the lack of a better word) is integral. So I’ve struggled with how to hold both of them in the conversation. How do we allow people the room to not have to label themselves while also engaging in a conversation about how these identities matter?

I had a revelation or sorts the other day. As I was sitting in my office, looking out the window I was reflecting on the following question: how do we shift our work (around social justice) to reflect students ideas/beliefs that labels shouldn’t exist?

In thinking about how to do that, in how to answer that question, I came to this conclusion.

Just because we are starting to believe that labels shouldn’t exist, doesn’t mean that the oppression associated with them doesn’t exist.

Just because one doesn’t want to be labeled by their race, doesn’t mean racism doesn’t exist or will cease to exist. And you can fill in any identity marker and the same will still ring true.

Oppression doesn’t care if we want to be labeled or not, it’s going to see you as such and act accordingly. And the same can be said for those that engage in that oppression.

rainy day woman

2007-11-09T18:19:00.000-06:00

rainy day women

I’m not sure if anyone has ever heard this phrase before. “rainy day women.” I was hanging out with some men the other day and one the guys brought up this phrase. “Rainy day women.”

I’ll try to explain what it is. From my understanding through the conversation that ensued, a “rainy day woman” is a female friend that a man can call on when he’s feeling lonely...and needs to feel some sense of belonging…or being wanted…or loved. it’s not a booty call. that’s something different. that’s someone you call just when you want to, you know, do your thing.

a rainy day woman is something different. yes, there may be sex involved, but it’s more than that. and sometimes it’s not that at all. what it is, is that for men, it’s having someone that we can call on when we’re feeling lonely, when we’re feeling the need to be loved, when we just want to feel connected to someone that mimics being in a relationship. but the thing is, is that it’s just in those moments, when men have these needs, that that emotional connection happens.

and after that’s gone, after that desire to feel wanted and loved passes, it’s back to the same ol’ friendship. in whatever way it happens to exist outside of these particular moments.

this isn’t friends with benefits as I have already mentioned. I think there is something deeper happening here. I think there’s something to be said about the using and walking all over someone that happens in these rainy day relationships. it’s like a rollercoaster, but one person is the operator and the other is being put through this rollercoaster of emotions.

I’ve never experienced these as two-way streets. I, unfortunately, have been on both sides of the coin (there can definitely be rainy day men as well). So I know all to well what it means to be in this kind of relationship. and it isn’t pretty for the person who’s in the rainy day position.

but what is it about? why do we sometimes look for these rainy day people in our lives? why is it that just in those moments, when we feel in the most need, do we call on that same person? pull their strings, give them hope that there could be something more. stringing them along with the idea that someday something more can exist between them. why do we do that?

it’s selfish. extremely selfish to think that we can place ourselves in a position to determine when a relationship is warranted and when it’s not. kind of like a light switch. turn it on when it’s convenient, turn it off when it’s not.

yeah…I want to acknowledge that there are people who allow themselves to be put into these situations…but we can’t always focus on the victims, the ones who fall prey to these types of relationships. I want to focus on the folks who manipulate these situations for their own benefit.

I think for men, it’s about the fear of intimacy. about not wanting to commit to anything more than we want to. so when we find a person who’s going to fulfill our needs only when we want them to, we take it and run with it. but the thing is, in those moments, on those rainy days, we allow ourselves to fall completely into the moment. allow ourselves to be honest and open and vulnerable and then it’s over. then it’s back to just being friends.

maybe it's more than just the fear of intimacy. maybe it's about taking advantage of the opportunity that this situation creates. but why do we feel compelled to take advantage like that? what value are we placing on that other person...or lack of value are we placing on that person where we can do that?

I’d be curious to hear your thoughts.

a split along gender lines: teacher/student sexual relations

2007-10-22T16:44:00.000-05:00

i don't know if you've been following the news recently, but there have been numerous news stories related to the number of teachers who've lost their licenses for various reasons...including failure to pay taxes, drunk driving, etc. but one that i read today in the journal sentinel really caught my attention....read it through this link...

A Split Along Gender Lines

I think it's really intriguing...this disparity in how young boys and young girls who are victims of sexual assault by their teachers are treated.

for boys, a lot of times it's seen as a sexual conquest, something to be high-fived in the locker rooms and lunch tables. it's also seen that way by older men, who then reminisce on their own teacher crushes and what that might've been like. these boys are looked up as being better than other boys because they were able to have sexual relations with their teachers. they are seen as lucky. but why is that? and RARELY seen as victims. which is also intriguing which i will come back to later.

but why is it that young boys who have sex with older women are seen as lucky? why aren't they seen as victims of sexual abuse/assault/rape? i think this speaks to a larger issue as well. at what point does this change? at what age does it become taboo to have sex with older women? when the man is 30? 35? and what is that age for women? at what age do the become invisible to the sexual desires of men? 25? 30? and why is that men get to define this? and then what happens at that age for men?

i would argue that it then becomes en vogue to be with younger women. it's as if the greater the age disparity (older man/younger woman) the better. why is that valued in our society? i guess one would argue is because we as men are the ones that get to determine that.

on the other side of the coin, young girls are always seen as victims and are seen as being either a seducer of these older men or as naive victims. in response to the first one. if the young girl is seen as the seducer, what does that say about the male teacher? basically, i read it as he didn't really have a choice, he couldn't say no to her seductive ways. but is that really about her, or about his inability to say no to sex...even knowing that it isn't right? in either case, sometimes the female student gets harrassed by other students, especially if the male teacher is someone who is favored in the school. really intriguing stuff.

it's also important to look at the differential treatment that the teachers who engage in this behavior receive. if you think back to the numerous cases that have made the headlines over the past several years, it's been (at least that i can remember) most, if not all female teachers who have received the media attention.

if almost 9 out of 10 teacher-perpetrators are men, why are women getting the most attention? and why is it that women are getting some form of incarceration (jail time, house arrest) while the men are just getting their licenses revoked?

it's as if it's more wrong for women to engage in sexual assault of minors than it is for women. ridiculous.

the other part of it is in terms of how these boys are not treated as victims. it's cool to have sex with older women. at least that's the thought. not consideration is given to the messages that the high-fiving, the labeling of lucky sends to these young boys...and how that then manifests itself as these young boys become men. i
n the case brought up in the article about a 12 year old boy who had sex with his teacher...ended up having his life "marred by affairs, gambling and failed marriages". when we don't refer to these young boys as victims, we tend to neglect the psychological impact that this incident/act has on these boys. and that's a problem.

what message does it send? that it's okay to view women as sexual objects...to view them as conquests...to view them as levels of attainment. it devalues the importance of the intimacy of relationships, and minimizes sex to something that is to be high-fived with their male counterparts.

to come back to the victim label...and how it isn't given to these young boys. it's as if it's taboo to be seen as a victim of sexual abuse. if it's perpetrated by a woman, for the boy it's to be expected and congratulated...not taken to the police. if it's perpetrated by a man (to a boy), for the boy it's an experience that is never to be talked about.

in either case, to be seen as a victim of sexual assualt...is to be seen as less of a man than our male counterparts.

i think that's really intriguing...and i'd love to hear your thoughts.

how women of color are made invisible

2007-10-22T15:47:00.000-05:00

it’s interesting what you notice when you start to pay attention to your surroundings. especially when people around you begin to share what they experience, even if it’s something you’ve never experienced before.

on Saturday night, I was out on state street here in Madison with two friends of mine. we were out passing out flyers for an upcoming cd release party and thought we’d take advantage of how busy state street can be in the evenings.

on the way up state street the two women I was with started to talk about how they always have to move out the way when walking on the sidewalk. every time a group of people are walking towards them, that group never seems to feel the need to move or adjust their path to accommodate my friends.

it’s really interesting. I never have to experience that. 1. I’m a guy. and 2. I’m a bigger guy. so when I’m walking on state street or anywhere around campus, I find that the overwhelming majority of time I don’t have to move. I might have to adjust my body to allow someone to pass, but it’s usually a mutual adjustment that’s made.

the other thing that I found intriguing about this situation is who my two friends are in terms of race and how that plays in to the situation. my friends, both women, are also women of color. and light-skinned women of color. that’s important to include in the conversation.

so here’s what I noticed: every time that we shared the sidewalk with a group coming towards us, the two women I was with were forced to move. there was no attempt on behalf of the other groups to adjust their path. every group that did this, was white by race.

why is that important? because I think it speaks to the idea that women of color, especially light-skinned women of color are invisible…or are made invisible by white people. not just in Madison, but in our country in general. on a couple different occasions, as I paid close attention to the white groups coming towards us, I began to notice that these groups were looking past the two women I was with, as if they weren’t even there.

I’m not sure if anyone has ever seen this. this looking past that happens. I know I’ve personally experienced it in different contexts, but it’s amazing, to experience that stare that goes beyond you as if you don’t even exist.

and that’s what it felt like to me. that these two women didn’t even exist. that they didn’t matter. that didn’t have a place on this public sidewalk. and the moment that we switched positioning, with me towards the middle of the sidewalk, things changed. people were more apt to either move, or mutually adjust our paths so that we would not run into each other.

Jena 6, Megan Williams, Teacher’s College…these are all obvious (and recent) examples of how prevalent racism is in our country. But this looking past, this making invisible is a more subtle and I would argue just as detrimental and harmful example of how prevalent racism is in our country. and it happens more than we’d probably like to admit.

but why does this happen? what is it about light-skinned women of color that makes them invisible to white people?

and why do (most) white people feel this sense of ownership over public (and not even just public) places like sidewalks, walkways, hallways, staircases, parks etc.?

I’d love to hear some thoughts on this.

the other thing is that oftentimes, it’s not until these huge stories make national headlines that we begin to think about racism in the US. why is that? why aren’t we talking about the things that happen on an everyday basis?

i am not your baby daddy

2007-10-22T15:37:00.000-05:00

so…last night…I was having a conversation with a friend of mine (tina) about identity stuff. I was going through what a typical workshop around social justice might look like based on what I’ve done in the past. she shared with me an activity in which she had participated where she was asked to define the things that were important to her (this was in a group setting).

the first thing she had written on her paper was mother. as did the other mothers in the room. the facilitator had asked about this specifically. asked how many of the mothers had written “mother” down first. all of them had raised their hands. when the same question was asked for the fathers in the room…none of them had raised their hands.

we talked then about how interesting that was. that women who are mothers, identify as such while men who are fathers don’t. what does that mean? and what does it mean when mothers don’t identify as mothers first and foremost? (tina’s question there) and what would it mean to have men who are fathers to identify as a “father” first?

it got me thinking about the idea of fatherhood. I am not a father. I wasn’t raised by one either. the only experiences I’ve had with fatherhood involve friends of mine who have become one. vicarious fatherhood I guess in some respects.

but ever since I can remember, I’ve always told myself “I’m not going to be like my father.” he left when I was young, and until I was in my teens he had been merely a ghost of a memory lived through my brother’s experience. to this day, his face is a vague, tattered, print replica of the image I painted of him that time he came to visit…but that’s a topic for another post…or poem…whatever…anyways…

I’ve vowed to never be the father he was. but what does that mean? as a poet, I’ve heard countless young men (even older men) write/read/slam poems about bad fathers, and what good fathers should be…etc. I think we all know what a bad father is…when it boils down to it…it’s someone who doesn’t own up to the responsibilities that fatherhood brings.

I don’t know what a good father is. and how would we define a father? it’s like we jump from bad father to good father without defining father first. so by default we place what we think are good fathers on pedestals. without ever defining them as “just” fathers. should men be placed on pedestals for doing what they should be doing? I don’t think so; we don’t place mothers on pedestals for doing what they should be doing.

I think this is a larger symptom of how gender roles have been defined in this country.

men are supposed to be breadwinners, supposed to provide a roof, a stable home, etc. while mothers are left to nurture and raise children. when fathers fail, mothers pick up the slack…and maybe then they are seen are more than just mothers…maybe amazing mothers, great mothers, etc.

but does being a provider make you a good father? we are taught from a young age that child rearing is left to the women…why are toy babies marketed to young girls? because that’s the expectation. why aren’t they marketed to young boys? because we’re supposed to be superheroes fighting villains, or playing outside and getting dirty, or whatever else that is as far from fatherhood and nurturing as possible.

I guess the bigger point I’m trying to make is that just because a father takes the time to play catch with his son or daughter; takes the time to tell his children he loves them; helps out with a science project; makes the effort to color after school; or even just sit and watch cartoons; it doesn’t make him a great father.

these are expectations that we should have of all men who take part in creating life. but it’s as if they aren’t expected to…so in many cases they seek praise for it (either consciously or subconsciously).

I say all that to lead into a more general discussion about me. what are some of the ways in which men get praised for doing what they are supposed to be doing?

we don’t engage in abuse (sexual, emotional, physical) against women or children
we are supportive of our partners
we are educated
we have jobs
we engage in meaningful conversations
we talk about our feelings
we are emotionally available
and I’m sure we could add more to this

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we shouldn’t seek praise for doing what we are supposed to be doing as men. but we do…I’ve been guilty of it myself from time to time…and I have to really force myself (well not so much anymore) to not look for it. to be okay when I don’t get it. now I’m at the point where I don’t like getting the praise…well not that I don’t like it…but I guess more so it makes me uncomfortable.

But I think we have to first be able to concretely define what men are supposed to be…and then teach that to boys and young men.

unfortunately we are up against the raging rapids that are misogyny and sexism…and all of the ways that it manifests. these (the ones listed above) aren’t the messages that boys and young men are getting. in fact they are getting the opposite.

well I guess that’s a topic for the next post…let me know what you think

peace

almonths six months...

2006-10-30T13:37:00.000-06:00

isn't that long in between posts. enjoy...

I was sitting in a circle of students and as an icebreaker we had them go around and share what song/album/artist they were listening to a lot of lately. And many of the usual suspects came out. Lupe Fiasco, Evanescence, Blue October and some independent acts to name a few.

One that stood out for me was a comment by a male student. When it came to him he hesitated for a brief second and in a very "I don't really wanna answer this" kind of way he says "I'm not a girl or nothing, but I've been listening to Justin Timberlake".

And I kept thinking about the reason he felt the need to preface his artist by "I'm not a girl or nothing." It's not that I haven't thought about it. The impact sexism and patriarchy has had on me is something that I think about all the time and engage male students around regularly.

But what it got me thinking about was the correlation between that statement and the acts of violence that men have been committing against women on this particular campus in the last several weeks.

I'm not saying that this particular student is a perpetrator of violence against women, but that there is a correlation between the mentalities that exist between the two.

The main premise being that with both instances, women have less value then men.

Tony Porter, of A Call to Men (the men's national organization addressing violence against women and sexism), argues that there is not much difference between what he calls "well-meaning men" (i.e. those of us who don't perpetrate violence against women or consciously engage in sexist behavior) and those men who are perpetrators of violence against women. According to Tony Porter, all men have been socialized to believe that 1. women have less value than men, 2. women are sexual objects, and 3. women are the property of men.

The only difference between the "good" men and the "bad" men is that those of us who identify as "good" don't cross the line and commit acts of violence against women.

It's important as men to think about the roots of violence against women and that we all live and participate in that on a daily basis. It may not be consciously but we do swim in that water. It's also important to not just be well-meaning men, but to be proactive in ending violence against women. And that must start by us, as men, taking a look in the mirror and taking the time to recognize that we have been socialized in this way.

stephen colbert ETHERS the administration

2006-05-03T21:12:00.000-05:00

(The following is a transcript of Stephen Colbert's speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner. The President was there, and apparently he was not amused. Easy to see why. This is amazing.)

Here with a special edition of the Colbert report, Stephen Colbert.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I’ve been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bullet proof S.U.V.’S out front, could you please move them. They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.’S and they need to get out.

Wow, wow, what an honor. The White House Correspondents’ Dinner. To just sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face.

Is he really not here tonight? The one guy who could have helped. By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything at their tables, speak slowly and clearly on into your table numbers and somebody from the N.S.A. Will be right over with a cocktail. Mrs. Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps,

Mr. President and first lady, my name is Stephen Colbert and it’s my privilege tonight to celebrate our president. He’s no so different, he and I. We get it. We’re not brain backs on the nerd patrol. We’re not members of the fact (police). We go straight from the gut, right sir? That’s where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say I did look it up, and that’s not true. That’s but you looked it up in a book.

Next time look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that’s how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert report, I speak straight from the gut, ok? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no fact zone. Fox News, I own the copyright on that term.

I’m a simple man with a simple mind, with a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists.

My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how “the Washington Post” spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out in plastic for three cents a unit.

In fact, ambassador, welcome, your great country makes our happy meals possible. I said it’s a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be it Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe our infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it’s yogurt. But I refuse to believe it’s not butter. Most of all I believe in this president.

Now, I know there’s some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don’t pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in “reality.” And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass — it’s important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it’s 2/3 empty. There’s still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn’t drink it.

The last third is usually backwash. Folks, my point is that I don’t believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull, before a comeback.

I mean, it’s like the movie “Rocky.” The president is Rocky and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. It’s the 10th round. He’s bloodied, his corner man, Mick, who in this case would be the Vice President, and he’s yelling cut me, dick, cut me, and every time he falls she say stay down! Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky he gets back up and in the end he — actually loses in the first movie.

Ok. It doesn’t matter. The point is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don’t pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he’s not doing? Think about it. I haven’t.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he’s down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He’s trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite powered car.

And I just like the guy. He’s a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She’s a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma’am.

I’m sorry, but this reading initiative. I’ve never been a fan of books. I don’t trust them. They’re all fact, no heart. I mean, they’re elitist telling us what is or isn’t true, what did or didn’t happen. What’s Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914. If I want to say it was built in 1941, that’s my right as an American. I’m with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he’s steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man’s beliefs never will. And as excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story, the President’s side and the Vice President’s side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, they’re superdepressing.

And if that’s your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, W.M.D. intelligence, the affect of global warming. We Americans didn’t want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works. The President makes decisions, he’s the decider. The Press Secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know, fiction.

Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.

Now, it’s not all bad guys out there. Some heroes, Buckley, Kim Schieffer. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be to my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is I promise you. How is Tuesday for you? I’ve got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

See who we’ve got here tonight. General Mowsly, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace. They still support Rumsfeld. You guys aren’t retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld. Look, by the way, I’ve got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble, don’t let them retire. C’mon, we’ve got a stop loss program, let’s use it on these guys. If you’re strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. C’mon.

Jesse Jackson is here. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he’s going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants.

It’s like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Justice Scalia’s here. May I be the first to say welcome, sir. You look fantastic. How are you?

John McCain is here. John McCain John McCain. What a maverick. Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you wasn’t a salad fork. He could have used a spoon. There’s no predicting him. So wonderful to see you coming back into the republican fold. I have a summerhouse in South Carolina, look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you’ve seen the light.

Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city. Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I would like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., The chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It’s a mallomar is what I’m describing, a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here, the most famous husband since Desi Arnez. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said. I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife, Joe Wilson’s wife. Pat Fitzgerald is not here tonight? Dodged a bullet.

And we can’t forget man of the hour, new Press Secretary, Tony Snow. Secret service name, Snow Job. What a hero, took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq. Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card’s children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn’t made the decision to quickly, sir. I was vying for the job. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary.

I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I’d like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

Via DKOS: [Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference, at which Colbert is completely dismissive of questions he doesn’t want to answer, i.e., all of them. He chooses among three buttons — “Eject,” “Gannon” and “Volume” — to get rid of the offending speaker. But ultimately Helen Thomas causes Colbert to flee in terror from the press conference with her insistence that he answer her question, “Why did you really want to go to war [with Iraq]?” Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bush’s experience in China. He finally finds a way out, and runs frantically down the street and into a parking lot. Helen Thomas pursues Colbert relentlessly. He calls for help on an emergency phone in the parking lot, but the attendant also wants to know why we invaded Iraq. Colbert screams, “No!!!” Colbert fumbles nervously with his keys, having great difficulty getting into his car. Finally, he gets in, and continues to fumble trying to get the car started. He looks up and sees - Helen Thomas standing in front of the car! He screams, “No!!!” Colbert manages to drive away. He then takes the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. His car is waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in. He says, “What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home.” The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, “Buckle up, hon.” IT’S HELEN THOMAS!!! “No!!!”]

STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it’s been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!

new piece...

2005-11-17T18:11:00.000-06:00

here is one of my newest pieces...

untitled

as men, we’ve been taught
to stick together
to call each other family
and hold on to that sense of brotherhood
with the urgency of minutemen
raging behind the guise of patriotic duties
to protect american soil from illegal aliens

but that sense of brotherly discourse
doesn’t leave room for disagreement

so we believe it when he says
she wanted it just as bad as he did
and it didn’t matter that she might
have had too much to drink
and that her eyes screamed
help me like lost children
because we’ve learned to hear silence
as an okay to do what we want
without feeling the need to question it

and while she wakes up in her apartment
trying to put together the puzzle pieces
of the night before
working under the premise that they all
have come from the same picture
he wakes up to congratulatory high fives
which he translates into I’m the fuckin’ man
and it doesn’t even matter
that I didn’t join in the praise-giving;
it doesn’t matter that I found my way
back to my seat
without an utterance of incongruence;
what has come to matter
is that I didn’t say anything.

I didn’t say anything at all
to make him
believe that what happened
wasn’t consensual
that silence doesn’t mean yes
that her talking to him
may have been just that
talking
and not the green light
he constantly looks for
while under the direction and guidance
of korbel and cokes
and simply seeking to satisfy the urge
to quantify his manhood
with tick marks on his penis

and because of this
she isn’t seen in quite the same way
she used to be
and he is studied with envious eyes
being questioned about details that should
have never been created into memories he shares like
tattered photo albums
over a six pack of beer

now
her body reads easy
like children’s books
and other men assume they can take her off her shelf
flip through her pages
and not take the time to read the words
encrypted with pain we haven’t learned to digest
and make sense of

see but they don’t take the time
to ask her the right questions like…
how was your day? or
what did you want to be when you grew up? or
something as simple as
what’s your name?

questions
she doesn’t believe she know the answers to
but linger;
wavering in her mind
like obscure childhood images,
childhood images
she’s buried behind
the scars left by a father too consumed
with the consumption of libations
to realize
she’s calling out daddy
like she used to when she was
3 or 11 or 17 or 21
and just wanted him to pick her up
because on that particular day
she just wanted someone to pick her up
and right now
she’s sitting somewhere
probably just wanting someone to pick her up
but we haven’t even realized
that she’s fallen.

i should just write...

2005-09-23T10:17:00.000-05:00

"it's been a while" in the subject line of all my posts...

but...it's been a while.

anyway...the new book is doing well. i think i have a newfound appreciation for independant hip hop artists...such as el guante and starr...it's definitely a hustle trying to sell your stuff out your trunk...or in my case...out my bookbag. but it's cool. been going well. have gotten some really good responses. and even got my first ever review! it was cool to see my name...and my book being reviewed.

haven't been doing much writing lately...have three new poems i'm working on. (and no...bert...they're not about you...yet) but they are works in progress. we'll see if i can get them done soon. got the madison poetry slam coming up in less than a month. and would like to use some new stuff....that i'm familiar with...

which reminds me...i gotta really work on memorizing my stuff.

anyway...hopefully will be back sooner than later...

the new chapbook...

2005-08-24T09:21:00.000-05:00

so prayer vigil is out and ready for consumption. had a book release event at the rainbow bookstore co-op here in madison last friday and it was standing room only. not that the rainbow is that big but we had a good turnout...which means i did well in terms of sales for the night.

if you're looking to pick your copy of the book up...hit me up. i have them with me all the time. and they are on sale at rainbow here in madison.

anyway...so i ended up trading books last friday with a poet who just happened to be in town that night...i won't say that poets name...but yo...i must say that for someone who is going around the country doing spoken word sets...the written poetry in this book is not that good. i had a really hard time not putting the book down. i won't say who it is but rather what it is about this poetry that made it so bad.

1. this poet uses a lot of forced rhyme...there are a lot of poets out there that i think are hot that use a lot of rhyme but it isn't the type of rhyme that requires messing with sentence structure in order to make it fit. it just makes the lines sound awkward at best.

2. calling yourself queen, king, goddess or anything else that makes you out be anything other than a person writing a poem is not cool. or even referring to your third eye (if i can borrow from el guante's poetry slam drinking game). especially when the poem is directed at a certain audience like men...or white people...or haters...or whatever...like you do this to me...but i fight back because i am king or something like that...

3. swearing has it's place in life...don't get me wrong...but i don't think it always has to be in poetry...it allows for poets to not be as creative as they can be...saying fuck in a poem can convey that you're angry...but to be able to put that anger into more words than just fuck...now that can be cool...

anyway...maybe i'll try and write a bad poem to share as an example...

i'm out....

em

so it's been a while

2005-08-09T19:55:00.000-05:00

since i've last posted...but it's been a pretty hectic summer. from taking time off to be with the fam...to getting injured and HAVING to take time off...to working on chapbook number 2...it's been a long summer. fortunately things are moving in the right direction.

so i'm back at work now...having mostly recovered from my injury (a long story that i care not to repeat). and starting to get back into the swing of things. also been working on the second book prayer vigil and trying to get that done. well it's done...at least the layout. just waiting to look at the proof for the cover. on that note...a shout out to josh toro on putting out a great design for the cover...its gonna make the book that much better.

but anyway...18 new pieces in this book. scheduled to be released august 19th. yup the 19th...next week friday. having a release party that night...7 pm at rainbow bookstore co-op in madison. the after party...at the slipper club after 10. come through...check it out...and buy a book. it will also be the official release of josh healey's book...

so yeah...come through...support your local poets. if you can't come through...let me know. i'll get one to you somehow.

peace and poetry...

so it's been a while

2005-05-13T18:40:00.000-05:00

the reality of inner city life...unfortunately

2005-04-21T14:46:00.000-05:00

so i just got back from a trip to san antonio (which was amazing by the way). but on monday night i was in milwaukee hanging out and watching some tv when the preview to that evenings news came on.

they were talking about the tops stories for the evening which included something about the numerous murders that took place over the weekend. one of them being the tragic death of 7 year old Nikeemah Hubanks. caught playing in the warm spring sun on a sunday afternoon by a bullet that was intended to murder someone 3 times her age. finding death before she had the opportunity to experience life.

so that stuck with me. thought about it a lot the last couple of days and read the news articles about it. so i sat down and wrote the following poem...it's untitled as of yet.

untitled
her name was Nikeemah,
she was seven
and about to finish 2nd grade.

her favorite color, purple
and all she wanted to do
was enjoy that Sunday afternoon
with the rest of the kids on the block
see, she wasn’t all that different
from any other kid her age
and I imagine her parents
prayed that she would become
something special

and she could have become
something special
she could have become
something
she could have grown up to become
somebody
but all those “could have’s”
were laid to rest
while she played outside her home,
the sounds of gunshots
muting her screams
as a single bullet
found it’s way into her dreams.

little Nikeemah died the next morning
her feeble body
unable to fight for the life
she barely knew.

she will be memorialized
with airbrushed t-shirts
that read like headstones
“in loving memory”
scrawled across the top
a picture of her bright smiling face
in the middle
“RIP April 18, 2005”
scribbled painfully underneath

she will be eulogized
with candles that will flicker with the hope
that she will have not died
in vain
and flowers will mark the very spot
where the reality of stray bullets
was engraved with the inevitable tragedy
of death coming before life

but there are no such things
as stray bullets
when they are fired from
the stone encrusted hearts of
young black and brown men

each bullet inherently intended
to send him closer to what society
wants him to become

each one taking with it
a piece of his humanity
that he will never get back

each one moving him further away
from the memories of when
he was seven
and longed for sun-filled
Sunday afternoons
to be with neighborhood kids
playing tag on the block

each bullet
moving him away from the idea
that he could’ve been
something other
than the man he had become
this man,
standing on the corner
of 6th and Clarke,
empty clip in his gun,
dying little girl
down the street,
the last piece of his soul
whispering
“I didn’t mean to hurt her,
I didn’t mean to hurt her”

why i am retiring from the poetry slam scene

2005-03-22T13:07:00.000-06:00

so i have never really been a huge fan of poetry slams. i got involved in them here in madison, wi because there were some students who had heard my poetry and thought it would be cool if i slammed. and of course they needed more poets to be involved in the competition. since then i've been involved in a handful of slams either as a participant or a slammer. and every time i've been to one and/or participated in one i've left really disillusioned with the process. i'll tell you why in a minute.

so if you've never been to, heard of, or participated in a slam i'll try and break it down in as few words as possible. basically a poetry slam is a poetry competition where someone's poetry is judged by five random judges chosen from the audience. they judge on content and performance and give you a score from 0-10 based on no other criteria than what they personally believe is good poetry. there are usually two rounds and your total score from both rounds determines the winner. cool? cool.

so to get back to my disillusionment with the process. every time i've participated in slams i haven't gotten the best scores. not that i believe i've been the poet at all of these slams but i do think i'm a pretty good writer. what really pisses me off is when i get a 5 for a poem that i think is really good and someone else gets a higher score for something that would just barely be considered a poem.

see i don't write for the audience and maybe that's where my mistake is. but i will always write for myself first and foremost. and hope through my verses that someone in the audience might be able to relate to something that i write. i could, if i wanted to, write something that would get me a 10 at a poetry slam but i would be doing a disservice to myself and to the audience. where would that get me as a poet and what that do for the audience? i believe nowhere.

and i don't really ever see this happen because of how the process is set up. having random judges will always allow for the process to benefit poets who write specifically for slams and not for poets who once in a while slam their poems. and it's because of that i believe that i will be retiring from the madison poetry slam scene.

i will continue to write though. once a writer always a writer.

free up your pen

2005-03-11T12:18:00.000-06:00

i heard her bless the mic
at this valentine’s day gig
and I remember listening to
the burden of broken promises
burned into the words
she spit at me
and I sat there
wet with responsibility
because even though
the poem wasn’t specifically
directed at me
i felt obligation
growing in the words
that will become this poem
for her
and for any woman
who has ever written
a poem about how
she’s been wronged
at the hands of
men

but I’m not going to write
one of those poems
that talk about how
your beauty radiates
the room with the sounds of happiness
and how I could sit and stare
at you for hours
and still want more

I’m not going to write
About the sway in your hips
As you walk away
And how looking at you
makes me want to do things
that you can’t imagine
but that will probably leave you
wanting more

I’m not going to write
About how I’m going to
Put you on some imaginary pedestal
And call you queen
because by definition
I would be king
and I have not yet learned
what it means to be that

I’m not going to write
about how I want to give you
the world
when I haven’t taken the time
to ask if that’s what you really
want from me
and besides all I have is ten dollars
in my pocket
and you can have that if you want it

I am not going to write
about how you are a
strong
independent
intelligent
beautiful
passionate
caring
woman
because we already know that’s true
and to write about that
would not allow me
to question
our intentions embedded
in desires

I don’t want to write
about what I’m going to do to you
but rather
I want to write
about what I’m going to be to you
because i’m tired of going to open mics
and hearing women writing the burden
of bad experiences into the poems
they speak to
audiences of head-nodding women
eulogizing the verses
being laid to rest
within them

I want to write poems
that will free up your pen
to write revolution poems
vivid with images of salvation

poems that will free up
your hands to craft carefree
love songs sanctified
with the holy water of fulfillment

poems that will free up
your voice to
paint memories across a canvas
of blank pages
and create a living history
of moments

poems that will free up
your words
from having to constantly
look over their shoulders
at misogyny lurking around the corner

I want to free up your pen
so that you can write

I want to free up your pen
so that you can love

I just want to free up your pen

i was sooo hungry...

2005-03-10T14:39:00.000-06:00

so i just finished my first direct-action. i participated in a hunger strike with some students in the hopes that we would bring attention to the rising costs of tuition at the University of Wisconsin-System. What this is doing is basically pricing out middle and lower class families from being able to send their children to one of the state schools. this in addition to the desire to reduce the amount of financial aid being talked about across the country will mean that slowly (maybe not so slowly) our colleges and universities across the country will become segregated once again.

we are moving backwards. moving towards a country where only the upper-class will be able to afford their children. moving towards a country where only those with advanced degrees will be white. moving towards a country where the high paying jobs which require advanced degrees will have job applicant pools of white upper class folks.

is that direction we should be moving towards?

I don't think so. we should be moving in a direction where we believe that education is a right for all of its citizen and not a privilege afforded to those with the financial ability to pay for it.

we need to look at our current priorities and figure out where we need to be spending our tax money and not where one person and his cabinet feel we should be spending it.

by building one less stealth bomber we would be able to give $1 billion dollars to states to offset the rising costs of educating our citizens. by fighting one less war, we can ensure that everyone has access to healthcare. by giving one less tax break to upper class families, we can ensure that homeless families have a place to sleep.

...enough of my soapbox.

being hungry for three days really helped put things into perspective and it was truly a humbling experience. I know that i would never want to be in a situation where being hungry wasn't a choice.

having trouble sleeping pt. 2

2005-01-26T09:38:00.000-06:00

you play tag

I’m having trouble sleeping
images of you play tag
with each other as they
race across the cover of
closed eyes like middle school
kids at recess, distracting
in their happiness

one image of you dancing
to the salsa rhythms alive inside you
whispering
you’re it
as it brushes by the
one of you laughing
at something stupid I said
and I’m getting lost
trying to keep up
with each memory
as they cause a blurred
silhouette of you standing
in the corner of my room

(I’ve found that you can’t
cry yourself to sleep
when you never
learned
how to incorporate
the sadness that swells your hands
into the
saline of shedding tears)

and even though there’s no sleep
when I close my eyes to dream
and no relief in the
muted cries and screams
embedded in my mind it seems
it’s still better to be in this place,
in this state of being
perpetually awake
because it’s the only way
you exist for me

(you’ve always seemed
too good to be
perfect)

but I guess I’ve always had trouble
letting go of those things
which were never mine
to begin with

having trouble sleeping

2005-01-19T10:29:00.000-06:00

so i have been having trouble sleeping lately. i've never really had that problem before the last couple of weeks. i'm not exactly sure what brought on this bout of insomia (if in fact that's what is it). but i think it may be stress induced. i have to make a pretty tough decision in the next couple of weeks regarding my future...what i want to be doing and moreso where i want to be doing it. although i've never been much of a planner, i feel like i have to do this now even though i'm pretty secure in my job...at least until the end of june. usually i'm one of those "take things as they come" kind of person. not really worrying about what i'm going to be doing a week from now. i've found living day to day to be a lot less stressful and a lot more fulfilling. if we're constantly worrying about what we're going to be doing tomorrow how can we possibly find time to enjoy what today has to offer? anyway...

i should probably figure out why i'm not sleeping well. i hate being tired all day and don't want to become dependant on caffeine to get me through the day. don't get me wrong...i enjoy a cup of fair trade coffee as much as the next person but i like the idea of indulging in a cup as opposed to feeling the need to have one. i don't want to wake up one day as someone who absolutely HAS to have a cup of coffee to start the day off right. that just ain't me. know what i mean?

i'm having trouble sleeping
images of you play tag
with each other
as they race through
my minds eye
distracting
an image of you dancing saying
you're it
to the one of you
laughing at something i said
and i'm getting lost
trying to keep up...

to be continued...

one of my newest pieces

2005-01-14T09:17:00.000-06:00

here is one of my newest pieces. it's pretty self explanatory...

here i go again

I don’t want to write another love poem for what could’ve been, but all the words that pour from the veins of every pen I hold point in that very direction. So here I go again, writing that “she don’t love me like she used to” poem, trying to make sense of the heaviness weighing down my words like gangbangers riding six deep in a cutlass; my verses scraping streets like loose mufflers held up with re-shaped clothes hangers. Here I go again, writing that “I don’t know where we went wrong” poem trying to figure out where I made that wrong turn but I guess that’s what happens when you use your lips to give you direction underneath broken street lights. Here I go again, trying to articulate myself through the creation of verse but only she knows the words to that “what could have been” poem. I don’t want to write those lostlove poems anymore than I want to use over utilized clichés like “whisper sweet nothings” or “the grass is always greener” or whatever as verses because it would still make more sense to read from a blank page and call it a love poem. I don’t want to write any more “if only I had done this or done that” kind of poems because I would rather write about my uncle who believes he’s not an alcoholic simply because he doesn’t drink on Mondays. See I would rather dive head first into the poem sitting on the edge of my pen about a father who’s never had I love you float from his tongue into the hearts of his children. And I would rather write about the little brown boy from down the block who will someday grow up to fall short of his mother’s expectations. I would rather write about that 15 year old girl sitting on the south side stoop of her mom’s house pouring her hopes like red kool-aid into a Styrofoam cup with no bottom staining the steps with what could have been. I want to move on and construct poems with substance; create verse out of jaguar dreams and serpent shadows and try to give voice to those being strangled by the necessity to breathe. I don’t want to write anymore “why did she have to leave me or what could I have done differently” lonely soul poems. But I just did.

so when i wrote this i was in kind of slump of sorts when it came to writing poetry. it seemed at the time that everything that was coming out of my pen had to do about some sort of lostlove from my past and i didn't want to write about that. there was so much that i was seeing that i wanted to write about but couldn't find the words for it. that is until this poem started coming out. i like it. it's one of the pieces i've written that i like the most.

anyway...

introduction

2005-01-12T19:00:00.000-06:00

so...this is my first (almost) attempt at anything resembling something web-related. i figured it was about time to start something and i've heard a lot of good things about blogs. i've found myself on a couple of people's blogs who i know and i was like "man, i could do something like that."

so here i am. starting my first blog. hopefully i'll have the opportunity to write something everyday. i figure as a poet this will give me the opportunity to write something everyday that i might use at a future date as an idea for a piece.

i decided on the title of this blog (love, revolution and everything poetic in between) for a very specific reason. that being that the title of my first self-published chapbook is love in the time of revolution. i chose that title because i was tired of the dichotomy that i saw when it came to poetry, in particular, urban poetry/spoken word, that basically said either you're a poet of the revolution or you're a love poet. i felt (feel) that there has to be room for both.

i shouldn't have to be limited to writing love poems, or writing political poems, or the-system-is-fucked-up poems because i experience all of those things. and for me poetry is writing about that which you experience. if at any random point in my life i'm experience the most profound feelings of love and passion, why not let that guide the words that flow out of my pen. if i experience anything profound enough to make me want to write about it than i should be able to write about that particular experience and be able to share the same stage as any other poet writing about their experience.

so i don't limit myself nor do i allow the audiences limit or dictate what i bust on the mic. i'm gonna do me. if folks are diggin it cool, if not that's cool too. poetry isn't written for everyone to relate to...but moreso written so that someone with a similiar experience can find that connection. and that to me is the most vital piece of the poetic experience.

well i could probably go on for a while on that...and someday soon i will continue that rant...

so you'll start to see some of my writing on this blog. if you like what you read let me know. if you don't let me know as well. i'm always open to hearing anyones thoughts.